I’d say we’ve pretty adequately covered most of the things leading up to getting engaged.  You scouted ring styles, your man took his knowledge of the 4 c’s to the store and bought you a stunning piece (wow, $2 million???  You shouldn’t have!  No for real… you SHOULDN’T have.), then he got down on one knee and you said yes!  (Good job you — you didn’t hesitate or say, “Couldn’t we just get a dog or something?”)  Whoop whoop!  You spread the news to all the people you care about via phone calls, text messages, an engagement party, and hey, maybe even a newspaper announcement.  (…Maybe.)

That initial feeling of floating on engagement cloud 9 still lingers, but something else sets in at this point — the thought, “OMG I have to plan a freaking wedding.”

Planning a wedding is a daunting task.  And whether you’re planning a wedding for 300 or a city hall affair for 25, there’s A LOT to think about.  So where do you even begin??

Please keep in mind that I’m not a wedding planner, nor have I ever planned a wedding before planning my own (which is still 6 months out).  So I’ll tell you how I approached the wedding planning process.  As far as how you do it — do what works for you.  Everybody’s different, so everyone will approach the planning process differently.  All the magazines told me to not worry about bridesmaid dresses until 6-8 months before the wedding.  The dresses for my bridesmaids were the very first thing I purchased for the wedding.  Wedding specialists also tell you to not bother shopping for a dress until you know your season, venue, the date of your last menstrual cycle…  Well, maybe it wasn’t all those things, now that I think about it.  At any rate,  I found my dress 2 days after getting engaged.  For realz.

So where to start?  This is how I did it.  Let’s break it down shall we?  (Cut to me silently singing “And now it’s time for a breakdown…”  Anyone else out there have a silent soundtrack constantly playing in their head?  No?  Just me?  Ok, moving on…)

1. Get inspired
2. Pick a season 
3. Set a guest list
4. Have “the budget talk”
5. Begin the venue search

First things first: Get Inspired.  After getting engaged, I took my newly engaged self down to Barnes and Noble and indulged in the magazine section labeled “Weddings.”  That’s right, I dropped $20 on Martha Stewart Weddings, The Knot, you name it.  Though I occasionally looked at wedding blogs online before KC popped the question, I was never really confident enough to go out and hand over my Visa for Brides magazine (even while keeping my left hand securely in my pocket).  Wedding magazines and  blogs are a great way to get inspiration for your big day.

Step Two: Pick a Season.  The season you choose will determine what types of venues you look at, and ultimately the size and style of your wedding.  Obviously, you probably won’t be searching for an outdoor ceremony site if you’re getting married in January.  (Unless you’re getting married somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case, by all means, go for it.)

Step Three: Set a guest list.  Now, some people might swap the order of this step with the next one — having “the budget discussion.”  But this is how we did it.  I come from a very large Irish/Italian family, which = everyone’s involved in everyone else’s life, and would be deeply offended if they were left off the guest list for some reason.  I knew, because of this fact, that it was going to be pretty much impossible for KC and I to have a “small” wedding.  In order to put things in perspective for my parents, I wanted to put together a list of the “essential people” who needed to be included in our big day so that they could see the kind of numbers we were dealing with.  If you want a certain feel for your wedding, your budget will be greatly affected if you thought your guest list was going to be 50 people, and lo and behold, it’s actually 150 when you get down to it.  (For the record, 150 > 50.)

Step Four: The Dreaded Budget Discussion.  No one wants to have “the talk.”  Or, at least, I didn’t (and I doubt my parents were loving every minute of telling me how many thousands of dollars they’d be willing to throw down on this one-day party).  So, what’s the best way to approach this?  BE PREPARED AND BE REASONABLE.  If your parent are rolling in the dough and have an unlimited budget when it comes to affairs like this, good for you.  (Also note that I’m silently hating you right now.  But that’s neither here nor there.)  For the rest of us “common folk,” well, we have to have “the talk.”  So come into it with reasonable expectations and with some information to back up the numbers in your mind.  Weddings are expensive, yes, but they’re also a one-day party when you think about it.  If your parents work hard to make ends meet, I wouldn’t recommend coming to them with the proposal that it needs to be a “surf and turf” plated dinner for 250 and “Dom Perignon or nothing.”  That’s not to say, however, that you can’t negotiate.  If your parents are dictating a large portion of the guest list, they should be willing to throw down for the extra 26 people they just had to invite (really?  Who is John Dunklehausen anyway???  Ohhhh Grandma’s 4th cousin, ok… For shiz he should be there then.  *eye roll*)  The best negotiators come in armed.  You should know what your bare minimum guest list is, as well as where you are and aren’t willing to compromise (served dinner?  Umm, I can deal with a buffet.  Pay bar — no chance.)  When my parents and I had “the budget talk,” they were well-aware of the size of the guest list, as well as the type of venues I was looking at and the general feel I wanted for the wedding.  Because of this, we came to a figure that we both felt was reasonable and workable for the type of wedding I (and they) wanted.

Step Five: Begin the Venue Search.  Yep, it’s time.  This is the first big step you’ll likely take to begin the “real” planning of your wedding.  I used a location scouting website to find venues I thought might work (it’s called herecomestheguide).  I knew I wanted indoor (December wedding in the Bay Area– yeah, obviously), it had to hold at least 200 people, and looked for places where you could bring in your own caterer and booze (because really?  This venue’s $24/person liquor menu includes only white zinfandel?  OMG WHAT…?)  KC and I looked at a list of about 10-15 online, then called to ask about our date.  This narrowed down our list pretty significantly; and when all was said and done, we were down to 3 sites we wanted to see in person.

Alright, there’s more to say about the whole venue search, but I think we’ve covered enough informational ground for this post (not to mention reruns of SATC are on so I’m totally not paying attention to this anymore…)  I’m off to figure out what’s for dinner (and by “figure out what’s for dinner” I obviously mean watch tv for 45 minutes and then panic because there’s nothing except carrots and pretzels in my house…  Yep, pretty sure that’s how it’s gonna go down.)

Peace, Love & Gap, Chelsea.

Being engaged is awesome in so many ways.  You have a cute boy (ostensibly for all of eternity now), a fabulous ring, but you haven’t yet changed your name so you still have some of that single-girl attitude…  Sigh…  For the most part, it’s bliss.  There are just a few weird little details that crop up once you’re engaged that you mayyyybe didn’t realize or consider when you were just dating/living in sin with that adorable boy of yours (or, at least popped up when KC got all romantic on me and was all, “Let’s do this, FOR REAL.” — by the way, pretty much anything I say KC said to me when he proposed is completely false and for illustrative purposes only.  Yes, it’s also called “lying” in some circles, I believe).

So this is my list, and my list alone.  I in no way speak for other brides-to-be in my list (in fact, a lot of the below probably wouldn’t bother other W2B’s one bit).  So take it all in knowing that I might be the only person on the planet who’s mildly uncomfortable with the following 10 things.  (But really, I’m sort of ok with that.)

1. The term “fiancee”  (you already knew that though)

2. The words “hubby” and “wifey” (I silently die a little when people use them)

3. People thinking it’s ok to move on from asking “So, when are you guys gonna get married?” to “So, when are you guys going to have kids?”  (Really??  We’re not even MARRIED yet!)

4. The whole, “Are you planning on losing weight for your wedding?” thing.  (For the record: you’re kind of implying I’m fat just by asking, which is just rude.  And, by the way, I’m not.  And yes, I’m serious.)

5. Dealing with who’s on and who’s off the guest list.  It’s just awkward.  (And unless you have a giant venue and an unlimited budget — or maybe just a teeny tiny family — you’ll likely have to deal with it too.)

6. I’m not even going to list this one because I’m sure it will just come off as snarky.  Enough said.

7. Having vendors that fall through and having to start from scratch all over again.  It’s the worst.

8. The “You’re not going to [insert tradition/activity/task/other here] at your wedding, are you?” questions.  (Um, yeah, actually I AM going to throw the bouquet.  Deal with it.)

9. The random people who take pictures of your ring on BART, thinking that you won’t notice.  (Yes, girl standing across the train, I did see you, and it WAS supremely awkward.  If you want to see it, just ask.)

10. Registering for gifts.  It wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be, but it’s still pretty weird to “sign up” for gifts you want people to give you.  (Or it was for me at least.)

***Disclaimer: Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll say it again — I’m loving being engaged (and I’m glad I get to be the “W2B” for a whole year before just becoming “W” — you only get to be engaged [for the first time] once!).  I just thought I’d put down a few of the weird things I’ve dealt with since KC got down on one knee and put a ring on it.

Oh yeah, and the kids questions?  They happen.  For real.

Back to productive postings soon!

First of all, CONGRATU-FREAKING-LATIONS!  Maybe you and your H2B had a whirlwhind courtship of mere months which was capped off by an ultra-romantic Cinderella-shoe-at-sunset type of engagement; maybe you dated for years (and years, and years), and despite the fact that you know that boy better than you know your last name, you were still completely and utterly surprised when he got down on one knee and said, “So… Do you want to do this or what?”  (Only kidding of course.  Though I was in fact wearing a grey hoodie and puffy jacket during the big moment, KC did everything right and didn’t mess up his lines one bit.)  But the point of all this: you’re engaged.  High KICK!  Go you!  The first thing to do is revel in the moment for a bit (obviously).  If you haven’t gone through it already, as soon as people start finding out you’re engaged, it’s a freaking tornado of joy and overwhelmingness (yes, I don’t really think that’s a word either, but bear with me).  So take a minute to just soak it all in with your new fiancee (blerg…), because you’re never going to have that moment back.  Well…  Uh…  Actually…  Ok, you’re only going to get engaged for the first time ONCE, ok?  So enjoy it.

Now, you’ve adequately soaked up all the awesomeness that is getting engaged (and it was LEGEN-put a ring on it-DARY); so you’re ready to break the news.  It’s customary to tell immediate family first, for obvious reasons.  I mean, at least in my family, if I had told friends before my sister or something, I would have gotten a hockey stick right to the face (or not, because we’re not Canadian, or even hockey fans really.  But go with the visual metaphor here, jeez).  So, tell them first, then extended family and friends.  And by the way, if you don’t have unlimited texting for some reason (I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t, as this clearly isn’t 2004), well I hate to break it to you, but you’re likely to go over on your bill like, large-stacks-of-cash-style.  Sorry, it’s just a fact.

Ok, so for the rest of your nearest and dearest who maybe aren’t on your speed-dial (or maybe even those who are), there are a few other ways to spread the news of you’re going-to-get-hitched-ness:

1. Old-School Mail Engagement Announcements: I don’t know how common these are, as I have yet to receive one in the mail (if you’re my friend and you sent them out — I didn’t get mine.  So… RUDE).  But darnit if they aren’t kind of adorable, right?  It’s basically like those buy-online-and-mail Christmas cards people mail out, only it says “Hey, we’re planning on no longer living in sin approximately 6 months to 2 years from now!” (or something to that effect) instead of “Merry/Happy Christma-Hanu-Kwanzaa-kkah!”

Can I just say that I love the whole “She said yes” thing?  A. Because I think it’s adorable (obv) and B. Because it’s so freaking OBVIOUS.  Wouldn’t it be sort of redundant to send out an announcement that says, “She said no!” or “She said, ‘Can I think about it?'” or “She said, ‘I really just wanted a puppy!'”or something?  (Not to mention highly awkward AMIRITE??)

Moving right along…

2. Online Engagement Announcements: Sort of like E-vite, but for announcing your non-single-lady-ness.  Same idea as the mailed cards, just way more “green” and “2011” and other modern buzzwords.  Paperless Post has a great service that sends classy-looking e-cards right to your face (via your email inbox).  Although, now that I’m looking on their site, I’m not seeing engagement announcement on there…  Hmm… Well, you can use it for your engagement party invite (if you think that E-vite is soooo 2009.  Which it is.)

3. Newspaper Announcement: Yes, just when you thought I couldn’t get any more old school than mailed announcements (SNAIL mail??? OMG WTF LOLZ), I took it a step further and just blew your mind straight up 1900-style.  But for real, there’s still engagement announcements in there.  So feel free to throw yours in with the print and tell your grandma she can see your smiling face in black and white on Sunday morning on her Kindle (because, clearly, you got her one for Christmas last year since they’re only $139 now.  ZING!)

Um…  I find it to be just the tiniest bit creepy…  BUT I’m sure yours (should you choose to go this route) will be supremely adorable and classy.  (And I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you don’t end up with a Charlotte-Hitler-mustache situation.  If you’re a boy and you’re reading this, that’s a Sex and the City reference, just for clarification.  …Are you still there?  If you are, I’m beyond shocked.)

And finally, the most popular option for announcing your engagement…

4. Have a Party!:  Nothing says “We’re engaged!” like flowing champagne (and relatives asking you when you’re gonna start having kids…  REALLY?  REALLY.)  Word to the wise though, people who are invited to the engagement party will likely expect to be invited to the wedding (sooo… that second cousin who always drinks just a tad too much and tried to booty-dance all up on your hot H2B at the last family gathering… maybe leave her off the list for this one).

Alright, now that we’ve adequately covered “spreading the news,” I can get back to the thrilling television programming that is Tuesday nights now (cue me dying of boredom while KC watches sports and Auction Hunters.  Dry heave).

Fun fact: Did you know that when people get engaged, technically you’re supposed to wish the bride-to-be “best wishes” and congratulate the groom?  Apparently it’s so that it doesn’t sound like you’re saying, “Hey, way to go on snagging a husband FINALLY.  We all thought you’d die alone in an apartment with 14 cats.”

Or, y’know, something of that nature…

Hugs, Chelsea

I left you all hanging with my last post.  As Stephanie Tanner would say, how rude!  Oh well, I’m sure you all survived.  (Are you still there?  Still breathing?  Ok good; let’s move on then.)  So where we left off was diamond buying tips for boys who are ready to make the leap from boyfriend (or, b-fri as I like to say), to fiancee (sidenote: can I just say that I sort of hate that word?  One of the hardest transitions for the H2B and I was learning to call each other “fiancee.”  It makes us both dry-heave a little.  So we pretty much stuck with calling each other gf/bf.  Old habits die hard.)

So, for all you F2B’s out there: you’re ready to buy a ring.  As far as how much you’re supposed to spend, I’m not really going to weigh in on that.  There are all sorts of statistics out there on that (I think they’re generally propagated by jewelry stores, more than actual figures).  All I can say is, don’t get yourself in a world of debt just for the sake of a ring.  There’s no need to try to compete with Kim Kardashian’s fiancee and propose with some gargantuan 20-some-odd-carat ring (or monstrosity…whatever you want to call it).  If you’re all sorts of ballin’ and you want to throw down on a ring for your lovely lady, then by all means, go for it.

Yes, I believe the correct term for that is “freaking ridic,” AMIRITE?  If you’re like the rest of us hard-working folks, you don’t have 2 million dollars, or however much that mountain on her hand cost, to drop on a ring — yes, even one that your lady is going to wear FOR-E-VER (or in Kim’s case, 3 years max, because, let’s just be real here.)  So, look at your finances, and treat it like any other large purchase: buy what you can afford.  Buy what’s reasonable.  Because if you’re lady is as awesome as I think she is, she’ll love anything you pick out for her, so long as you put some thought and effort into it.  (And she’ll probably be a little less than thrilled after that newly-engaged glow wears off, if you tell her you’re now $200K in credit card debt because you just had to have those 4 carats.  Or maybe she will be thrilled.  I don’t know.  I would blow a freaking head gasket is all I’m saying.)

Alright, on to the specifics of buying a diamond.  All of the diamond retailers you’ll deal with should educate you on the 4 c’s of buying a diamond: cut, color, clarity, and carat.  Each of these categories has an effect on the way your diamond looks, and what it costs.

Cut:  When you’re buying a diamond, this is one of the most important things to look at.  The “cut” of a diamond refers less to the actual shape of the diamond, and more to the proportions.  The cut of your diamond determines how it traps and refracts light, which has a huge impact on the ultimate brilliance of the diamond when you wear it.

So, as an example, the above diagram shows an ideal cut (#1), a cut that’s too shallow (#2) and a cut that’s too deep (#3).  A properly cut diamond will disperse light back through the top of the diamond, making it appear bright and sparkly (yes, just like everyone’s favorite vampire.  Woah, yeah, I did just reference Twilight.  Deal with it.)  If a diamond is cut too shallow or too deep, the light that enters is allowed to escape through the bottom, making it appear dull and lifeless (sort of like Kristin Stewart’s performance in the last movie.  BAM!  I did it again!)

Moving on.

Color: Diamonds come in all sorts of colors (yes, there are even “chocolate” diamonds.  Who freaking named that…), but most people are concerned with diamonds in the white range.  These are rated from D (completely colorless) to Z (light yellow).

The best diamonds are colorless (D-F), as a colorless diamond allows light to pass through it easily and refracts as a color of the rainbow.  However, the difference from one grade to the next is very subtle and can often only be detected by someone with a trained eye.  Color is generally where you can save a few dollars, as the differences between a diamond with a D rating and one with a G rating are very difficult to discern with the naked eye.

Clarity: The clarity of a diamond is determined by the amount and locations of its flaws.  Diamond clarity is rated from flawless (F) to imperfect 3 (I3).  These flaws are covered by inclusions.  Inclusions can interfere with the amount of light that passes through the diamond, so the fewer the inclusions, the more beautiful the diamond.

Keep in mind, however, that flawless diamonds are incredibly rare, and therefore incredibly expensive.  (But you’ve got 2 mil to drop on this piece right?  So don’t even worry about it!)

Carat: Many people assume that carat refers to the size of a diamond; but in reality, carat actually refers to the weight of a diamond.  (Because it’s not the size, it’s the weight — right guys??  *Cue crickets chirping…)  Anywho…  One carat is divided into 100 “points,” so a diamond with 75 points would be .75 carats.

Two diamonds can be of equal carat weight, but their value can differ greatly due to their cut, color, and clarity.  Also, the shape of diamond you choose can affect its price (more popular diamond shapes cost more — round, I’m talking about you here — while less popular shapes generally cost less).  The shape can also affect how large the diamond appears to the naked eye (as an example, compare a 1 carat round cut diamond to a 1 carat emerald cut side by side — the emerald cut will appear larger because the round diamond holds a lot of its weight, or “carat,” under the surface, as opposed to the emerald cut which is a longer, shallower diamond, so more of its carat is visible at the surface.)

Ok, are you guys dying of boredom yet?  Yeah, yeah, enough with the “education,” let’s talk about weddings already!

Jeez you guys, CALM DOWN.  I will get some wedding shiz on here soon, in-your-face-style.  But we gotta get through the basics first.  In the meantime, I’m off to enjoy the beautiful weather (SARCASM!  This weather is freaking crazy.)  No but for realz, what else is there to do when the weather is like this besides sit inside and watch baseball??  14th inning of the A’s/Red Sox game.  Mother F, will this thing never end?

Lock it up.

Over and out, Chelsea.

I have been asked by a few people whether I’ll be posting my own wedding planning on the blog, or whether I’ll be doing a “how-to” series on how to plan a wedding.  Sooo… I’ve decided to do a bit of both.  I’m going to attempt to put together some instructional posts on how to plan a wedding, based on my experiences planning my own wedding (so far anyway… We’re still like 6+ months out.)

Anywho, let’s begin at the beginning, shall we?

Step One:  Get engaged.

Or not.  I mean, you can certainly plan a wedding before you get engaged (it’s 2011, you can do whatever you want).  But typically, and in my own experience, the “getting engaged” part of the wedding planning process is sorta crucial.  HOWEVER, if you’re anything like me, you may have already looked at a wedding blog or two before the whole “Hey, so, you – me – forever?” thing actually happened.  (Listen, KC and I dated for 6 years before he got down on one knee, so just zip it.)

Ok, but back to the point: begin at the beginning, aka get your a** engaged.  So, you’re engaged.  Whoop whoop!  Maybe you knew it was coming, maybe you didn’t.  Maybe you had your nails all perfectly manicured for that exact moment that your adorable boy popped open that ring box.  Or maybe you were standing in the rain, wearing a grey hooded sweatshirt and a puffy green jacket, with your hands looking oh-so-less-than-perfect because you’d packed up your office at work two days before and scraped your left ring finger on your tape dispenser.  Um yeah…  Not that that was my experience or anything.  Awkward.  (Whatever, I was completely surprised and despite my jacked-up hands and slovenly attire, it was still amazing and super romantic.)

So, perhaps prior to your romantic whirlwind of an engagement, there’s a few things you and your fiancee-to-be can do to prepare for the big moment.

Girls: if you have any idea that your man might be proposing in the near or distant future, you may want to educate yourselves on the whole “diamond thing” (because, really, guys have it hard enough that they have to plan out the engagement, not to mention drop a couple paychecks worth of dough on a sparkly rock, without being COMPLETELY in the dark about what kind of ring you might just want sitting on your left hand for, oh, say, ALL OF ETERNITY.  Am I right?)

So, diamonds 101 for the ladieeeeees:  Here’s what you need to know (from my perspective, obviously).  The most important thing is to get an idea of what style of ring you’d like.  So, let’s start with cut (aka the shape of that white-ish sparkly thing):

Alrighty, onward and upwards.  Now, obviously, if you’re the “whatever my man wants to get me” type, none of this really matters.  If you’re the “don’t you dare show up with a [insert specific diamond shape here]” type, you might want to throw a little hint down before your man goes out and drops $15K on a [blank]-shaped diamond and you’re all like, OMG WTF Brian??? after he summons the courage to profess his undying love for you and ask you to have a dog, house and 2 1/2 kids with him.

Please don’t take this to mean that you need to go try on 5,000 rings at every jewelry store in the tri-state area until you’ve found THE ONE.  If that’s your cup of tea, then by all means, don’t let me stop you.  My approach to all this was to try on a few rings when out with friends (because, like me, I have some girlfriends who are also fans of absurdly long relationships), and figure out the general style I liked.  KC said that when he went shopping for rings he knew three things about what I liked: antique-y looking, not too high-set off the hand (I don’t like my jewelry catching on stuff), and FOR GOD SAKES no princess cut!  (I’m sorry, I have an unnatural thing against princess cut diamonds.  I’m not sure where it stems from…)

Lucky for me, KC is weirdly good at gift-giving (it’s like a serious problem.  He gives me an amazing DSLR camera for my birthday and I turn around and go, ummm, here’s a gift card to Best Buy…  Happy birthday!…  Luckily, for whatever reason, he still loves me.)  So when he pulled that ring box out of his sock and in it sat a classic emerald-cut in an antique setting with diamond band, well, I can safely say that he freaking knocked it out of the park.  (Not literally of course.  We’re talking metaphors here, obv.)

Now, if you’re not the type who wants to go out an try on rings beforehand and have no clue what style of ring you’d like, your man has a couple options.  (F2B’s – that’s fiancee’s to be for all you non-abbreve lovers – take note.)  Your F2B can A. scour the jewelry store and find a ring he thinks you’ll like (this sounds stressful – thank goodness I didn’t have to propose to myself); B. Propose without a ring (remember that whole “in this box is a promise” thing from Knocked Up?  Yeah, like that); or C. Buy a center stone (aka one of those shapes above) and have it put in a temporary setting (basically, a simple solitaire setting that is easily changed).  With this option, you still get a ring, and you and your H2B (yeah, husband-to-be now, got it?) can go pick out a setting you like together.  (Diamond shopping with the H2B?  Be still my heart!)

Alrighty, so enough about the girls, let’s move on to the boys.

Boys: so you want to propose.  Good for you!  I’m sure that your lovely lady deserves a strapping young man like yourself.  The whole “getting engaged” thing is likely to be the most stressful part of planning a wedding for you (aren’t you lucky).  So be prepared, and be thoughtful.  As far as how you propose; well, I’m sorry to say, that’s completely up to you.  I’m not going to expound on the myriad of ways you can ask your F2B to be your W2B.  (However, let me just say that it’s probably best not to set up some intense obstacle course with the ring at the end and yell, “You want to get married??  You’re gonna have to work for it!” before slapping a number on her back and firing a gun to signal the start of the race.  Just sayin’.)

When you go to buy your lovely F2B a ring, the jeweler should fill you in on the ins and outs of buying a diamond (or whatever rock you’re purchasing.  I mean, Kate Middleton has a sapphire engagement ring, so don’t think you’re boxed in by the whole “diamond or nothing” thing.)  However, since diamonds are most traditional, let’s talk about those.  Actually, we’ll save that for the next post where we’ll cover the whole “you’re engaged, now what?” thing.  Bahahaha how cruel to just leave you hanging like that!  Only kidding of course (well, not about the whole ending-the-post-here thing).  It’s not like you’re going to be waiting by your computer constantly hitting the refresh button until I’ve posted next.  (Or maybe you are; I don’t know your life.)

Well, until then, happy planning!