I left you all hanging with my last post.  As Stephanie Tanner would say, how rude!  Oh well, I’m sure you all survived.  (Are you still there?  Still breathing?  Ok good; let’s move on then.)  So where we left off was diamond buying tips for boys who are ready to make the leap from boyfriend (or, b-fri as I like to say), to fiancee (sidenote: can I just say that I sort of hate that word?  One of the hardest transitions for the H2B and I was learning to call each other “fiancee.”  It makes us both dry-heave a little.  So we pretty much stuck with calling each other gf/bf.  Old habits die hard.)

So, for all you F2B’s out there: you’re ready to buy a ring.  As far as how much you’re supposed to spend, I’m not really going to weigh in on that.  There are all sorts of statistics out there on that (I think they’re generally propagated by jewelry stores, more than actual figures).  All I can say is, don’t get yourself in a world of debt just for the sake of a ring.  There’s no need to try to compete with Kim Kardashian’s fiancee and propose with some gargantuan 20-some-odd-carat ring (or monstrosity…whatever you want to call it).  If you’re all sorts of ballin’ and you want to throw down on a ring for your lovely lady, then by all means, go for it.

Yes, I believe the correct term for that is “freaking ridic,” AMIRITE?  If you’re like the rest of us hard-working folks, you don’t have 2 million dollars, or however much that mountain on her hand cost, to drop on a ring — yes, even one that your lady is going to wear FOR-E-VER (or in Kim’s case, 3 years max, because, let’s just be real here.)  So, look at your finances, and treat it like any other large purchase: buy what you can afford.  Buy what’s reasonable.  Because if you’re lady is as awesome as I think she is, she’ll love anything you pick out for her, so long as you put some thought and effort into it.  (And she’ll probably be a little less than thrilled after that newly-engaged glow wears off, if you tell her you’re now $200K in credit card debt because you just had to have those 4 carats.  Or maybe she will be thrilled.  I don’t know.  I would blow a freaking head gasket is all I’m saying.)

Alright, on to the specifics of buying a diamond.  All of the diamond retailers you’ll deal with should educate you on the 4 c’s of buying a diamond: cut, color, clarity, and carat.  Each of these categories has an effect on the way your diamond looks, and what it costs.

Cut:  When you’re buying a diamond, this is one of the most important things to look at.  The “cut” of a diamond refers less to the actual shape of the diamond, and more to the proportions.  The cut of your diamond determines how it traps and refracts light, which has a huge impact on the ultimate brilliance of the diamond when you wear it.

So, as an example, the above diagram shows an ideal cut (#1), a cut that’s too shallow (#2) and a cut that’s too deep (#3).  A properly cut diamond will disperse light back through the top of the diamond, making it appear bright and sparkly (yes, just like everyone’s favorite vampire.  Woah, yeah, I did just reference Twilight.  Deal with it.)  If a diamond is cut too shallow or too deep, the light that enters is allowed to escape through the bottom, making it appear dull and lifeless (sort of like Kristin Stewart’s performance in the last movie.  BAM!  I did it again!)

Moving on.

Color: Diamonds come in all sorts of colors (yes, there are even “chocolate” diamonds.  Who freaking named that…), but most people are concerned with diamonds in the white range.  These are rated from D (completely colorless) to Z (light yellow).

The best diamonds are colorless (D-F), as a colorless diamond allows light to pass through it easily and refracts as a color of the rainbow.  However, the difference from one grade to the next is very subtle and can often only be detected by someone with a trained eye.  Color is generally where you can save a few dollars, as the differences between a diamond with a D rating and one with a G rating are very difficult to discern with the naked eye.

Clarity: The clarity of a diamond is determined by the amount and locations of its flaws.  Diamond clarity is rated from flawless (F) to imperfect 3 (I3).  These flaws are covered by inclusions.  Inclusions can interfere with the amount of light that passes through the diamond, so the fewer the inclusions, the more beautiful the diamond.

Keep in mind, however, that flawless diamonds are incredibly rare, and therefore incredibly expensive.  (But you’ve got 2 mil to drop on this piece right?  So don’t even worry about it!)

Carat: Many people assume that carat refers to the size of a diamond; but in reality, carat actually refers to the weight of a diamond.  (Because it’s not the size, it’s the weight — right guys??  *Cue crickets chirping…)  Anywho…  One carat is divided into 100 “points,” so a diamond with 75 points would be .75 carats.

Two diamonds can be of equal carat weight, but their value can differ greatly due to their cut, color, and clarity.  Also, the shape of diamond you choose can affect its price (more popular diamond shapes cost more — round, I’m talking about you here — while less popular shapes generally cost less).  The shape can also affect how large the diamond appears to the naked eye (as an example, compare a 1 carat round cut diamond to a 1 carat emerald cut side by side — the emerald cut will appear larger because the round diamond holds a lot of its weight, or “carat,” under the surface, as opposed to the emerald cut which is a longer, shallower diamond, so more of its carat is visible at the surface.)

Ok, are you guys dying of boredom yet?  Yeah, yeah, enough with the “education,” let’s talk about weddings already!

Jeez you guys, CALM DOWN.  I will get some wedding shiz on here soon, in-your-face-style.  But we gotta get through the basics first.  In the meantime, I’m off to enjoy the beautiful weather (SARCASM!  This weather is freaking crazy.)  No but for realz, what else is there to do when the weather is like this besides sit inside and watch baseball??  14th inning of the A’s/Red Sox game.  Mother F, will this thing never end?

Lock it up.

Over and out, Chelsea.