Category Archives: Relationships

Thirteen (for KC)

December 22, 2017

I can’t believe that it has been thirteen years since our first date. It’s crazy that these 20 and 21 year old babies “hung out” together over winter break back in 2004, and thirteen years later here we still are — six years married, two kids in, living in Amsterdam. I don’t think either of us could have ever fathomed what would have resulted from that date on December 22, 2004.I remember what we both wore — you: jeans and a Sunrise Mountain Sports t-shirt, me: jeans, a Hollister Christmas t-shirt (it was 2004, guys) and a kids UCLA sweatshirt. I remember wanting to hold your hand but being too nervous to make the first move.

It doesn’t feel like we’ve been together long enough to be in our “teen” years together, but looking back I realize just how much I do remember from these thirteen years.I remember you carrying me down the rape trail at UCLA after it had rained so my shoes wouldn’t get muddy. I remember the way you told a kid on BART who was bullying another kid to knock it off. I remember watching you in that moment and knowing with complete and utter certainty that I loved you. I remember your pep talks during my first semester of law school. I remember swimming at the USF pool between classes and daydreaming about marrying you. I remember you taking me out for a nice dinner when I was studying for the BAR after I had told you I was so overwhelmed with studying and remembering information. And I remember all the times after our first date that you did hold my hand:

When I got my BAR results.
When you walked me to the front of Royce Hall and got down on one knee.
When we stood in front of everyone we loved and said “I like you” to each other.
When my dad was in the hospital.
When my labor and delivery with Prim didn’t go as planned.
When my labor and delivery with Lark did.

…and so many other moments, because there are far too many to recount from these thirteen years.

I love that we have so much behind us already and still so much to look forward to. You are the very best husband, father, teammate, partner in crime and everything else, and I can’t wait to continue our adventure together.Here’s to thirteen years (and approximately three hundred more).PS: Kace — Prim saw this ^^ wedding picture of us and asked, “What’s that picture?” I asked her if she knew who was in it and she said “Mama,” but when I asked her “Who is with Mama?” she paused for a long time and said, “I don’t know.” I finally told her it was Daddy and she goes, “Oh… Where’s Prim??”

Personal / Relationships

4-11 (for KC)

December 23, 2015

Eleven years and one day ago I nervously waited for you to show up for a “definitely wasn’t but then it was” first date. As much as I wanted to play it cool and act like I wasn’t really that interested in you, I couldn’t deny this feeling in my gut that pulled me toward you with magnetic force.

Four years ago I walked down the aisle without a sliver of doubt in my mind about you. I just knew you were it for me.

And now, look what we’ve made together…
We’ve transitioned from students, to graduates, to working professionals. From friends, to boyfriend/girlfriend, to fiancee, to husband and wife, to (OMG) parents. We’ve lived in four different residences together now, and called four different cities our home over the past 11 years, and soon enough we will add another to that list. But really, it doesn’t matter so much where we are, because wherever you and Prim are, that’s where I belong.

For all the highs, lows, adventures, triumphs, and trials to come, there’s no one I’d rather have by my side besides you. (And what about all the stuff we’re going to do next year?! I’m so excited, but mostly because I know you’ll be right there next to me for all of it.)

Happy anniversary, Kace. Here’s to four/eleven years, and to four hundred more. I love you so, so much.

Baby / Personal / Relationships

Relationship, Post-Baby

July 6, 2015

There are a lot of things that change after you have a baby; and no matter what anyone tells you beforehand, there’s really no way to prepare for it. Your relationship, for example, undergoes a huge change. And people actually do talk about this one — plenty of people told me bits and pieces about how their own relationships had changed after baby. But as much as people told me, I still remember thinking, “I don’t really think that’s going to be our relationship.”

Your relationship after a baby is sort of weird. Having a baby is like the ultimate stressor on your marriage. It’s like the world is throwing everything it’s got at you and you have to work really hard just to stay afloat, and everything above the water is like the best ever, but everything below the water is really difficult. It’s the strangest combination of really high highs and super low lows.

So here’s what happened after we had a baby (that I was kind of but not really at all prepared for):

Holidays / Relationships

Valentine's Day Gift Ideas (for your lady)

February 3, 2015

Valentine’s day is one of those holidays that people seem to love to hate. I have never really seen the reason for hating it (even if you’re single, what about another awesome excuse to eat chocolate and celebrate yourself?), so I’m actually quite looking forward to Saturday the 14th.

Given that I’m pregnant, I think KC’s standard gift (champagne and flowers) may not work so well this year, so I’ve come up with a few suggestions below, most of which I think would be awesome to receive — pregnant or not.

A massage. It may be due to the 9-pound bowling ball currently residing in my belly, but a massage sounds pretty amazing.
A mani/pedi. I looove getting my nails done — it makes me feel put-together and polished. And since I can baaarely reach my toes comfortably these days, I think this would be a really nice gift.
Comfortable, good-looking sleepwear. Yes, I realize that V-day is kind of the high-holiday for skimpy, impractical lingerie, but once you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, you come to realize how little use you get out of those lacy numbers. There are a lot of sleepwear options available now that straddle the line between looking sexy and being comfortable enough to actually wear on a regular basis. Some of my favorites are: these undies, this lace bra, a pretty nightgown, and a soft robe.
Something frivolous. Pretty much every woman I know has some item that she loves to splurge on — designer shoes, fancy hair products, etc. I personally love a good statement lipstick and designer candles.
Plans! Yep, you read that right — plans. I think there’s nothing sexier than when a man takes the reigns and plans something for just the two of you — no input needed. Even if it’s just dinner reservations or tickets to the latest chick-flick, having your man go out and plan the whole evening? Be still my heart.

*And in the event that you are carrying a tiny person in your belly like I am, it’s always nice to think about getting the wee bairn a sweet little gift as well. (hint hint, Kace!)

Personal / Relationships

The 5 Love Languages

February 2, 2015

Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages? I always thought there were just two types of love — romantic love that you feel for your partner, and general platonic love that you feel for family and close friends. According to relationship counselor Gary Chapman, there are actually five ways we give and/or receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

I read the book the 5 Love Languages a few years ago and found the whole concept pretty fascinating — how we show our love to others is most often based on how we prefer to receive love. Chapman notes that we need to pay attention to how our partner prefers to receive love, and work to show our love in those ways. I could definitely see that there were a couple places in mine and KC’s relationship where we weren’t connecting in the ways we showed love for each other, so we took the test to find out how our love languages ranked.

Not surprisingly, quality time was high on both our lists (#1 for me, tied for second for KC). We have always enjoyed spending time together and make it a priority to carve out time for just the two of us. The similarities, however, kind of ended there. Physical touch was #1 on KC’s list, and giving/receiving gifts was tied for second. I, on the other hand, preferred words of affirmation (second on my list) followed closely by acts of service. Seeing the results for each of us made a lot of things fall into place. I tend to busy myself with acts of service around the house — doing the dishes, taking out the trash, doing KC’s laundry — thinking that KC will feel endless gratitude for my efforts. KC appreciates these things, but acts of service is dead last on his list, so the fact that he doesn’t express tons of appreciation for these menial tasks makes a lot more sense now.

And on KC’s side, he’s incredibly thoughtful when it comes to giving gifts. He gives the kinds of gifts that girls brag about in movies (he once bought me the most perfect black dress — it’s been 5 years and I still wear it, y’know, when I’m not pregnant). And while I definitely love receiving gifts, it’s last on my list of love languages. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’m no champion gift-giver. While I do consider myself to be a pretty thoughtful person, the idea of picking up random trinkets or spending a ton of money on a blow-your-mind present just isn’t something that really appeals to me on a regular basis.

Realizing these differences has been really helpful in our relationship. KC knows that while I love a thoughtful gift that he picked out, I really love it when he takes the initiative to clean up around the house. (In fact, for most holidays I just ask him to get me card with a handwritten message in it.) And I realize that my cleaning sprees, while appreciated, just don’t have the same effect on KC that they would have on me, were our roles reversed. (And I have been making an extra-effort to be a little more thoughtful in my gift-giving. While I totally nailed it for his birthday last year, it’s a work in progress.)