I’d say we’ve pretty adequately covered most of the things leading up to getting engaged. You scouted ring styles, your man took his knowledge of the 4 c’s to the store and bought you a stunning piece (wow, $2 million??? You shouldn’t have! No for real… you SHOULDN’T have.), then he got down on one knee and you said yes! (Good job you — you didn’t hesitate or say, “Couldn’t we just get a dog or something?”) Whoop whoop! You spread the news to all the people you care about via phone calls, text messages, an engagement party, and hey, maybe even a newspaper announcement. (…Maybe.)
That initial feeling of floating on engagement cloud 9 still lingers, but something else sets in at this point — the thought, “OMG I have to plan a freaking wedding.”
Planning a wedding is a daunting task. And whether you’re planning a wedding for 300 or a city hall affair for 25, there’s A LOT to think about. So where do you even begin??
Please keep in mind that I’m not a wedding planner, nor have I ever planned a wedding before planning my own (which is still 6 months out). So I’ll tell you how I approached the wedding planning process. As far as how you do it — do what works for you. Everybody’s different, so everyone will approach the planning process differently. All the magazines told me to not worry about bridesmaid dresses until 6-8 months before the wedding. The dresses for my bridesmaids were the very first thing I purchased for the wedding. Wedding specialists also tell you to not bother shopping for a dress until you know your season, venue, the date of your last menstrual cycle… Well, maybe it wasn’t all those things, now that I think about it. At any rate, I found my dress 2 days after getting engaged. For realz.
So where to start? This is how I did it. Let’s break it down shall we? (Cut to me silently singing “And now it’s time for a breakdown…” Anyone else out there have a silent soundtrack constantly playing in their head? No? Just me? Ok, moving on…)
- Get inspired
- Pick a season
- Set a guest list
- Have “the budget talk”
- Begin the venue search
First things first: Get Inspired. After getting engaged, I took my newly engaged self down to Barnes and Noble and indulged in the magazine section labeled “Weddings.” That’s right, I dropped $20 on Martha Stewart Weddings, The Knot, you name it. Though I occasionally looked at wedding blogs online before KC popped the question, I was never really confident enough to go out and hand over my Visa for Brides magazine (even while keeping my left hand securely in my pocket). Wedding magazines and blogs are a great way to get inspiration for your big day.
Step Two: Pick a Season. The season you choose will determine what types of venues you look at, and ultimately the size and style of your wedding. Obviously, you probably won’t be searching for an outdoor ceremony site if you’re getting married in January. (Unless you’re getting married somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case, by all means, go for it.)
Step Three: Set a guest list. Now, some people might swap the order of this step with the next one — having “the budget discussion.” But this is how we did it. I come from a very large Irish/Italian family, which = everyone’s involved in everyone else’s life, and would be deeply offended if they were left off the guest list for some reason. I knew, because of this fact, that it was going to be pretty much impossible for KC and I to have a “small” wedding. In order to put things in perspective for my parents, I wanted to put together a list of the “essential people” who needed to be included in our big day so that they could see the kind of numbers we were dealing with. If you want a certain feel for your wedding, your budget will be greatly affected if you thought your guest list was going to be 50 people, and lo and behold, it’s actually 150 when you get down to it. (For the record, 150 > 50.)
Step Four: The Dreaded Budget Discussion. No one wants to have “the talk.” Or, at least, I didn’t (and I doubt my parents were loving every minute of telling me how many thousands of dollars they’d be willing to throw down on this one-day party). So, what’s the best way to approach this? BE PREPARED AND BE REASONABLE. If your parent are rolling in the dough and have an unlimited budget when it comes to affairs like this, good for you. (Also note that I’m silently hating you right now. But that’s neither here nor there.) For the rest of us “common folk,” well, we have to have “the talk.” So come into it with reasonable expectations and with some information to back up the numbers in your mind. Weddings are expensive, yes, but they’re also a one-day party when you think about it. If your parents work hard to make ends meet, I wouldn’t recommend coming to them with the proposal that it needs to be a “surf and turf” plated dinner for 250 and “Dom Perignon or nothing.” That’s not to say, however, that you can’t negotiate. If your parents are dictating a large portion of the guest list, they should be willing to throw down for the extra 26 people they just had to invite (really? Who is John Dunklehausen anyway??? Ohhhh Grandma’s 4th cousin, ok… For shiz he should be there then. *eye roll*) The best negotiators come in armed. You should know what your bare minimum guest list is, as well as where you are and aren’t willing to compromise (served dinner? Umm, I can deal with a buffet. Pay bar — no chance.) When my parents and I had “the budget talk,” they were well-aware of the size of the guest list, as well as the type of venues I was looking at and the general feel I wanted for the wedding. Because of this, we came to a figure that we both felt was reasonable and workable for the type of wedding I (and they) wanted.
Step Five: Begin the Venue Search. Yep, it’s time. This is the first big step you’ll likely take to begin the “real” planning of your wedding. I used a location scouting website to find venues I thought might work (it’s called herecomestheguide). I knew I wanted indoor (December wedding in the Bay Area– yeah, obviously), it had to hold at least 200 people, and looked for places where you could bring in your own caterer and booze (because really? This venue’s $24/person liquor menu includes only white zinfandel? OMG WHAT…?) KC and I looked at a list of about 10-15 online, then called to ask about our date. This narrowed down our list pretty significantly; and when all was said and done, we were down to 3 sites we wanted to see in person.
Alright, there’s more to say about the whole venue search, but I think we’ve covered enough informational ground for this post (not to mention reruns of SATC are on so I’m totally not paying attention to this anymore…) I’m off to figure out what’s for dinner (and by “figure out what’s for dinner” I obviously mean watch tv for 45 minutes and then panic because there’s nothing except carrots and pretzels in my house… Yep, pretty sure that’s how it’s gonna go down.)
Peace, Love & Gap, Chelsea.