Uggghhhhh you guys… It’s been, what, a hundred million years since I last posted? Yeah. Holy moly.

Here’s a recap of what’s been happening the last 6ish months: Prim started preschool, Lark became a full-fledged teen (basically, I mean the attitude is REAL, guys), the girls dressed up as birds for Halloween (an owl and a flamingo, it was so cute I could die), we hosted Thanksgiving, we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary/14th dating anniversary (and also figured out that moving countries + kids + jobs + massive stress is all awesome for a relationship — shoutout to our couples therapist for keeping us from murdering each other), Christmas came and went, as did New Year’s, I sent our Christmas cards out on January 7th like the super-together mom that I am, and now we’re rapidly hurtling towards Valentine’s Day and I was finally like, “UGH F@#$ JUST WRITE A F#$%ING BLOG POST ALREADY.”

So in case you can’t tell from the insanity of the paragraph above, it’s been a rough few months. The stress of adulting has been real and I wasn’t actually kidding about the therapy (or the murdering). I wholeheartedly recommend therapy for everyone and every couple — I honestly think it’s one of the best investments you can make for both yourself and your spouse.

But onto what this post is actually going to be about — 2019! That’s right, now that we’re solidly into the month of February, I figured I should share my goals for the new year. (I mean, who’s on top of that sh@# in January anyway? Certainly not me.) So here’s what I’m working on in 2019:

• Using the gym more. (Please note that I did not say “working out.”) We joined a fancy gym last year that provides childcare, and while I would like to get back on the workout-train, I also want to focus on using the gym more for everything it has to offer — visiting the spa, having a drink at the bar with a friend, or simply just taking a breather (or an uninterrupted shower). The possibilities are endless!
• Working on our house while working on enjoying our house as-is. We have been putting a lot of time and energy into getting our house together over these last few months — changing light fixtures, rearranging rooms, buying furniture, you name it. While I love seeing it all come together and brainstorming the “last few things” that would finish off the space, I also want to focus on just enjoying the house wherever it may be in the process of getting it to where we eventually want it to be.
• Letting go of the guilt and thinking more like a “dad.” Now that I’ve been a mom for 3.5+ years, I’m really seeing the difference in the way KC and I approach our parenting duties. We both love being parents and spending time with the girls, but I am much more likely to get wrapped up in and subsequently burned-out by the all-the-time grind of parenting. This is partially because I spend more time with the kids (and don’t even start with me on mental/emotional labor), but it’s also because I haven’t made myself a real priority for quite awhile. This year, rather than give in to the mom-guilt, I’ve decided to take a different approach — when a situation arises that would normally cause me to feel guilty, I think, “What would a dad do?” For whatever reason, (societal expectations, the patriarchy, Trump) dads don’t seem to be plagued by the same dilemmas that cause endless guilt to moms (“Should I go to happy hour on Thursday or be home with the kids? Should I be taking time for myself when I could be spending time with them?”) So now, rather than give in to that voice that tells me I’m a bad mom if I opt out of parenting for a bit, I think about what KC would do (and what I really want to do), and do that — sans-guilt. Taking time for myself here and there isn’t selfish — it’s necessary. I’m a person outside of being a mom, so I’m working on remembering and tending to that in addition to being the best parent I can be.

What are you working on this year? More spa days and less negative self-talk? More broccoli and less chocolate? I mean, gross, but hey, you do you.