Dear Mochas:  I don’t know what kind of special pregnancy magic this is, but you are so, so delicious.

Dear Laundry:  You are such a pain, but it sure is nice to have clean clothes (especially since I only have a handful of things that actually fit at this point).

Dear Dryer:  Ughhhh you are obviously on your last legs, because remember how you took 140 minutes to dry that last load?  ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY MINUTES.  Like, are you drying the Pacific Ocean?  I don’t even know what to say about that.

Dear Finances:  This is the worst time of year for you and you are stressing me out tothemax.  (Oh yeah and we need to buy a new dryer.  Boooooooo.)

Dear Nursery:  We’re slooooowly starting to put you together.  Can’t wait to see how it all turns out!

Dear Everyone:  Now that we know the gender, I know it’s super fun to make endless joke suggestions about what we should name the bambino, but let me tell you, when literally EVERYONE is doing this, the joke gets old real fast.  (And yeah, we’re definitely going to name her “Daffodil” and call her “Daffy.”)

Dear Pregnancy Hormones:  You make me so overly annoyed about everything all the time.  (KC and I went to Cost Plus last weekend to buy a rug for the nursery and I literally almost murdered him in the store because he wouldn’t stop playing with all the musical instruments.  Oh heyyy PMS for 9 months straight.)

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen with sons:  Let’s teach our next generation of men to not be those dudes who sit and MANSPREAD in the disabled/pregnancy seating on public transit and then don’t get up for seniors and pregnant women who board the train.  (I constantly want to tap them and be like, “Your mother must be so proud of you.”)

Dear Destination Maternity:  What about how I got a totally cute shower dress for $18?  What a score.  (And what about that dress I tried on that made me look like some kind of pregnant, real housewife from LA?  So not ok.)

Dear Revealing Spandex Maternity Dresses:  Yeah, soooo I just don’t feel like pregnancy is really the time that I need to be showing off allll my assets at once.  Thanks for that option, though.

Love, Chelsea