Dear Appetizer Spread: Is there anything better than you? I think not. (Especially when you involve an epi from Bouchon Bakery.)
Dear Life: I am so tired. Going back to work is hard. (Whine whine whine.)
Dear Russian River: I’m so excited to come see you! We’re going to have such a relaxing time together.
Dear Penny: Are you ready to go rafting on the river? Are you excited to get your little paws all wet?
Dear Alameda Flea Market: You are so fun to wander around, but I really could have done without that man and woman screaming at each other (apparently over a parking spot situation), which resulted in the guy throwing the woman down in the parking lot.
Dear Guy Attacking Woman (over a parking spot): Even if she’s the biggest idiot in the entire world, you’re still the guy who got physical with a woman. In public. Over a parking spot. (And since you’re obviously lacking quite a few IQ points, let me spell this out for you: YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE and I hope you never procreate. We don’t need more of those genes running around.)
Dear People Behind Me Watching the Fight Unfold: Um, actually, this isn’t “‘just what happens when you’re this close to Oakland.” (But feel free to spread that rumor all around the bay, our rents are high enough in Oak-town.)
Dear Root Beer Floats: What about how delicious you are? I had almost forgotten.
Dear Beer Camp Across America: What a find that case was at Costco! I’m coming for your Firestone Hoppy Pils and Ballast Point IPL first.
Dear Closet: I really need to clean you out. Somehow you’re stuffed to the gills with clothes, and yet I have nothing to wear. Time for a purge.
Love, Chelsea