As most of you know, I got married recently. Yes, after 7 years of dating, KC and I made it official and tied the knot. Interestingly (but not surprisingly, I suppose), there was a lot of discussion amongst our friends, post-wedding, about changing your name after you get married.
A number of my friends got married this past year, so I’d had a few conversations about the whole “name change thing” prior to my own wedding and name change. A specific friend of mine had brought up changing her name early on in our engagements, asking whether I was feeling apprehensive about changing my own name. She explained that she was having mixed feelings about changing her name after she got married, partially because her last name had been a part of her identity for the past 20-some-odd years, but also because the idea of being called Mrs. _______ (the same as her fiancee’s mother), made her cringe a bit. Honestly, up to this point, I hadn’t put that much thought into changing my name — it really didn’t seem like that big a deal to me for some reason. My mother changed her name when she got married, as had both of my grandmothers. I had some friends and relatives who had chosen to keep their maiden names after marriage, but always wondered a bit why they had chosen not to make the change (and what you do about naming your children, when you and your spouse have different surnames).
When my friend voiced her concerns about changing her name, and asked about my feelings regarding my own name change, I answered honestly. I told her that I hadn’t put much thought into it, as it hadn’t really concerned me much. I didn’t see changing my name as abandoning my identity or family, I saw it as becoming a family with KC. I had wanted to marry KC for as long as I could remember, and changing my name made me view us as a cohesive unit — a team.
I can see why many women are unsure about changing their name (I get it, it’s the 21st century — why should it be the woman who still has to adapt and change for marriage?) Sometimes it’s personal preference, many times it’s a professional hurdle (honestly, the biggest hassle of the name change was transitioning back to my work life with a brand-new moniker). And I certainly understand that it’s not exactly a bowl-full of candy to go and change your name everywhere it exists (and let me just tell you, your name is EVERYWHERE on EVERYTHING). For me, changing my name was just a part of getting married; and the hassle of changing my own name was far outweighed (in my mind) by the benefits of becoming a married unit with KC.
Obviously, it’s a personal decision (and probably a conversation with your spouse-to-be). I’m curious to hear your thoughts on the subject — men and women alike (as men have surprisingly strong views about this topic, I’ve discovered). Are you planning to change your name? Or if you’re male, do you want your future spouse to change her name? Will you be taking your spouse’s name, hyphenating, or creating something completely new? I’d love to hear!
Interesting article on the topic here.
A post on steps to changing your name coming up!
I was drawn to this because the name change thing was huge to me. I chose to hyphenate, but generally just go by my husband’s name, except in formal documents and such. I am an only child and there are no males in my immediate family to carry on the family name. Also, I was in the middle of medical school when I got married, so it complicated things slightly (changing names in the middle of the degree and such). My father really wanted to be able to say “that’s my kid” when I became a doctor and kind of alluded that he thought it would be nice if my name was changed. I felt quite strongly that a part of marriage was taking my husband’s name, though many of my friends, especially the professional ones do not. Thus, I hyphenated. I am glad I did, but it does make for a very long name and some confusion from time to time. If I had to do it again, I might have added my husband’s name and kept my maiden name as a middle name of sorts, just to further simplify, but overall am pleased with the decision. My husband had only his name, as will our children.
Thanks for posting your story Trisha! I think not having siblings (or not having any male siblings, too, perhaps) can play a huge role in the decision to change names. And, as I said in the post, the name change is really quite the hassle in the professional world (the linked article also discusses this, siting that most women who opt to keep their maiden names tend to be highly educated professionals). xo, Chelsea