Dear Candles: You make this whole “less than 11 hours of daylight” thing a little more cozy and a little less depressing.
Dear IKEA: Thanks for having such cheap, unscented candles. (I guess it makes sense, since Sweden is even farther north than the Netherlands.)
Dear Friends: In case you’re curious, everyone in Europe that I’ve met has been like, “So Trump… Is that for real?” And all I can do is express how very, very confused I am by it as well.
Dear America: How did we get here? No seriously, HOW.
Dear Maternity Coat: I haven’t had to bust you out just yet, but I feel like you and I are going to be BFFs in just a few weeks.
Dear Baby: What are we going to name you?
Dear Christmas Markets: Which of you are we going to visit? Austria? Germany? Belgium? So many options!
Dear Maternity Jeans: You are so comfortable but so annoying because you’re always falling down! Booooo.
Dear Prim: I will eat you up I love you so.
Dear Weekend: Let’s do this.
Dear Prim: I’m really tired. Luckily you’re really cute.
Dear January: You’re almost over! Thank God.
Dear Oysters and Champagne: I’m coming for both of you tonight! Yum.
Dear KC: Daaaaate niiiiiiight yaaaayyyyy!
Dear Government-Held Student Loans; What about how we finally paid you off? And every time I wonder why I have no money — now I know the answer.
Dear Lady tweezing her mustache on BART: Yeah, ok… You do you.
Dear Penny: You need a bath. So stinky.
Dear Superbowl: I don’t care.
Dear Week: Are you over yet? This feels like forever.
Dear Prim’s Tooth: Speed it up a little. Thanks.
Dear Prim: I don’t care how embarrassed you are of me, I’m never going to stop smothering you with kisses.
Dear El Niño: You’re the best. You almost make January bearable.
Dear Hair: I don’t even know what to do with you. Ugh. (I mean, obviously. ↑ )
Dear Weekend: Let’s do this already.
Dear Baby Gap: I want these. Also this. OMG and these?! (No one tell KC.)
Dear KC: Hiii Iloveyou.
Dear Movie Theater: It would be cool to come and see you at some point. Especially since I don’t have to pee every 5 minutes during a movie like when I was pregnant.
Dear Self: What about how you were actually alone last night for a couple hours? AMAZING.
Dear Pizza: Why isn’t eating you for every meal considered like, healthy and a diet everybody should be on?
Dear Work: You’ve been kind of stressful lately. It’s nice to have a day off today.
Dear Snapchat: I still don’t really understand you (because I’m old) and I don’t know how to do like 90% of the things other people can do with their snaps, but I do have fun putting those little videos of Prim and Penny together. (If you’d like to follow along, you can add me: chelseac7off)
Dear Rain: Yessssssss!
Dear January: Ugh, you’re the worst.
Dear March: Hurry hurry please.
Dear Healthy Eating: So yeah, you’re fine and things are going well, but also I would like all the pizza and all the chocolate.
Dear Making a Murderer: I knew Len was shit from the start. All I kept saying during episode 4 was, “That poor kid, he doesn’t even understand this.”
Dear Fellow Lawyers: If you’re a shitty attorney, do us all a favor and go into a field that doesn’t matter so much. NOT criminal law.
Dear Oysters: Let’s meet up soon! Get in my belly. (I’m coming for you, Kumamotos!)
Dear Prim: Since we figured out how to drop that first feeding, you’re only up once most nights! This is life-changing for your mama.
Dear KC: Busy season sucks. I miss you. Date night soon?
Dear Prim: I see you, little sneak.
Dear December: Slow down! I feel like you just got here. (But, I have to admit, I’m really excited to be on break for a couple weeks starting today!)
Dear Rain: More please. Thanks.
Dear 2016: I feel like I just got out of the habit of writing 2014 on everything and now I have to learn how to write 2016?
Dear Christmas Gifts: You are all wrapped! Only one big gift left to get (and KC’s stocking to finish… Just like every year.)
Dear Winter Colds: Ok, I get it — you’re everywhere. But now that we’ve all gotten one (or two!) now, maybe you could leave us alone?
Dear Trader Joe’s Popcorn Tin: I had such high hopes, but I’m really underwhelmed.
Dear Williams Sonoma Christmas Catalog: I get that you’re super ridiculous, but it totally doesn’t stop me from wanting all the things. (I mean, not those stupid $7 marshmallows though. Let’s be reasonable.)
Dear BabyGap: Why must everything be so cute? Don’t tell KC…
Dear Wardrobe: I feel like everything I own looks kind of like garbage and anything remotely cute I can’t nurse in… First-time mom problems.