^^after dumping her entire cup of water on the floor^^

It’s been so nice having you all following along as KC, Prim and I embark on this big adventure in Amsterdam. For the most part, things here have been really great and we’re all feeling good and upbeat about our move.

I know that it sounds very romantic to move across the world and set up a new life in a beautiful city like Amsterdam — and, don’t get me wrong, it is — but it’s not all gorgeous architecture, perfect apartments, and Belgian beers in the afternoon (though, some of it is all of that! Haha)

I wanted to talk a little bit about the hard parts of our move as they come up, because I think being transparent about that kind of thing is important on a blog like this. It’s easy to sort of gloss over the things that are tough and only focus on the pretty parts — and so many bloggers do this. I get it, no one really wants to air their dirty laundry or get into the shi*** parts on a daily basis. But in the interest of being candid, I figured I’d talk about the not-so-glamorous side of things too.

I already talked about our flights out here, which were far from ideal, but adjusting to a new time zone with a baby is a whole other animal. I am not someone who can escape jet lag unscathed, and it usually takes me a solid four or five days to sort of get my bearings time-wise in a new country. Unfortunately, when you have a baby there’s not really any buffer for jet lag though. It’s been my first priority to get Prim settled and comfortable here, which means I don’t let her sleep late in the morning (since she’s an early to bed/early to rise kind of girl), and in turn, I don’t get to sleep late. This wouldn’t be much of an issue, except for the fact that late at night is when I’m most awake these days, thanks to the nine-hour time difference.

And in trying to get Prim back on a schedule, we’ve slid back into putting her to bed and having her wake up numerous times in the hour or two (or three…) after going down. She had just started sleeping through the night really reliably back in California before our move, so it’s sometimes frustrating to feel like we’ve pushed her back into this whole “wake up” routine with our move. And I don’t know if any of you other mamas struggle with this, but I totally do the, “Am I completely screwing her up by upending her life like this?” and also the, “I want her to be on a schedule and be comfortable within her routine, but I also want her to be adaptable and be able to travel and sleep on the go…” I mean, my brain is a nonstop train of contradictory mom-thoughts.

And even though Prim’s sleep schedule could certainly be much worse, her mood is kind of all over the place. Our happy, easy-going baby has suddenly been replaced by a moody toddler, which I’m sure is a combination of her unfamiliar surroundings and also her age; but when you’re exhausted and you have a one year old who is on the verge of a meltdown every evening for hours on end, it can be a little trying. (And again, “Am I totally screwing her up by upending her life like this?”) I’m trying to just go with the flow, knowing that we’re moving on Friday and Prim will have to go through a whole new transition. No sense in fretting over her not being completely settled while we’re still in temporary digs.

All you experienced mamas out there — are you your own worst critic? Do you second-guess every decision you make? I feel like I’m constantly wondering whether I’m doing something right or whether I could be doing it better.

Such is motherhood, I guess.