Dear Week; You’ve been a long one. Sometimes it’s like, “It’s only Tuesday?!” and then I want to punch someone.

Dear BART: I think you should really be called BARF, because seriously.

Dear Pumping at Work: Some days you’re not so bad, and other days you’re like THE MOST STRESSFUL EVER. Ugh.

Dear Hair: I think the postpartum hair loss has officially ended, which is so exciting! Now I’m just back to normal shedding-all-over-the-place instead of OMG-WHAT-IS-HAPPENING-why-is-it-EVERYWHERE??

Dear Sephora VIB Sale: I’m coming for you. Tomorrow.

Dear Bank Account: Get ready.

Dear Yves Saint Laurent Concealer: You might as well just be called, ‘Hey, are you a new mom? YOU NEED THIS.”

Dear Lentil Soup: You are delicious (which is lucky, since you make a whole mess of soup.)

Dear Life: There are a lot of big changes on the horizon. Why is it that things that are exciting are also usually really, really stressful?

Dear Starbucks: You kind of phoned it in with the red cups this year. (Just to clarify: I’m not mad about them being “anti-Christmas” or whatever, because let’s have bigger priorities in life, shall we?) All I’m saying is you could have put something on the cups. Maybe a Festivus pole to really piss people off.

Love, Chelsea