I wrote this post awhile ago now (the part in quotes) — when I was in the depths of “not-blogging,” hence the first paragraph talking about my “break from blogging.”  This post is a bit more personal than what I normally paste up on this blog, but in re-reading it, I thought I should put it out there (y’know, because of the whole “year of me” thing and trying to think less about how other people might perceive me.)  So, with that, here goes nothing…

“First of all — hi, hello, nice to see you.  It’s been awhile.  I realize I “took a break” which turned into, like, the longest break in history.  Per usual.  It’s kind of just my style at this point.  When I take “naps” I have this tendency to sleep for 3+ hours.  When I “take a break” from blogging it tends to go on for multiple months.  Oh well!  I’m not gonna be bothered by it.  Remember my plan to be more selfish?  Yep, that’s why.  I’m doing what I want, when I want because this is the year of me!  (PS: It should totally be the year of you, too.  Doing what you want and [trying] not to care what anyone else thinks is great.  A little stressful, but great.)

Anyway, on that note, (the whole “be yourself and screw everybody else” one) — today I’m going to talk about appearances.  With the whole invention of the internet (the “webmaster” as my mom recently referred to it — God, I love her) and social media and blogging, has come this weird alternate universe where you can basically advertise your life — or, really, just the parts you want people to see.  So, you see pictures of your friend looking tanned and gorgeous in her bikini in Hawaii, or (one of my personal favorites) the perfectly primped and trim friend who is shoving a giant burger in her mouth (because, OMG she totally eats like this everyday! and still maintains a size 0 physique ← sarcasm).  And no judgment on them — really.  I mean, we all do it.  My instagram photos certainly aren’t of me in my Christmas pajama pants (which I wear year-round) and supremely-worn Mickey Mouse sweatshirt in glasses and no makeup, eating chocolate on the couch.  Despite the fact that that’s my daily life (and really, I’m not being glib here.  You can ask KC — that scene of me in PJs and glasses eating chocolate on the couch happens more nights than not.)

This “perfect life filter” issue which inspired this post came up a number of times for me recently.  First, I had been reading a blog I like, and found myself mentally comparing my life to this woman’s photographs of her life on her blog.  It’s easy enough to do.  All of the effortless-smiling-perfectly-candid moments of what appear to be a perfect relationship, perfect family, perfect house/apartment, perfect style, perfect everything.  I got a little caught-up and found myself wondering why my life didn’t look that perfect.

But then a friend of mine asked for recipe suggestions, so I sent her an email.  She was thankful for the recipe I sent, and wrote back a sort-of “you’re amazing how to you do it all?!” kind of email.  I laughed and felt a little uncomfortable when I received it and, honestly, felt a twinge of momentary pride that that’s how she had perceived my life.  Because just about everyone’s life can be construed that way, given the right filter.  My filter was the “I’m a lawyer with a great job and a workout instructor, plus I make time to workout and cook dinner from scratch and keep an adorable-looking home which I share with my gorgeous husband and two adorable animals.”  Sounds nice, right?  I mean — it is.  I’m a combination of very lucky and a very hard worker (case and point: I hate getting up at 6am everyday to workout, but I do it.)  But, lest you think that I have some kind of super-special, amazingly charmed life, please be assured that I don’t.  I do appreciate what I have (I mean, I’ve worked my a** off to get most of it), but my life isn’t peaches, rainbows and unicorns on a daily basis.  In fact, when I stopped blogging in 2012, it was due in large part to a pretty major bout of failures in my personal life that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”

Everybody’s life is complicated and messy in its own way — some people have complications you know about, others keep theirs tightly tucked away from the public eye; but either way, everybody has a story.  And just remember that blogging (and every other form of social media) is a form of selective advertisement where everyone gets to pick and choose what they put out there (and, in the case of Instagram, apply a literal filter to it to make it seem much prettier and more dramatic than it is in real life).  Take it with a grain of salt.

And on that note, ↑ that’s how I spent my Saturday night.  I was alone at home, alternating between watching The Holiday on TNT and organizing our linen closet while KC was tearing it up at a bachelor party.  So, y’know, unicorns and rainbows, like I said. But, sometimes you have to take the time to organize the linen closet that no one sees but you and your spouse.  You can always just shut the door and put the mess out of sight, but it’s still there, until you dig through it all and throw out the stuff you don’t need anymore.

Oh yeah, and that’s totally an Instagram filter (because linen closets are a lot of things — but exciting and dramatic, they are not).