When I was researching cleanses, I read a lot of the reviews people posted after having done them.  So many people raved about how “good” they felt, and how “energized” and “renewed.”  Uhh, I’d like to go ahead and call “bullsh**.”  Yeah, you heard me, I’m throwing down the gauntlet and saying (in my opinion, currently) it’s a bunch of BS.

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I’m on day 3 of this 3 day cleanse, and I don’t feel energized, renewed, or even “good.”  I feel hungry.  I feel hungry, and yet, I don’t want to eat anything.  Y’know why?  Because all I have to “eat” is juice.  All I’ve had for the last two days is juice.  I’m so sick of it, that even though I’m mildly starving, I don’t want to drink it.  Maybe this is the way cleanses work?  They “cleanse” your body by forcing starvation on you because you get so sick of whatever it is that you’re “cleansing” with?

Ok, ok, ok, let’s pipe down on the negativity for a minute (really, it’s my stomach talking.  Or yelling, rather.)  Here’s what I think the cleanse is good for, and what it’s not good for:

PROS:

1. Short-term weight loss.  If you’ve got some big event that you’re reeeeaally trying to lose those last 5 pounds for, try a juice cleanse (remember how they used to be called “juice fasts?”  I’m beginning to see why).  Drinking nothing but juice for 3 days will help knock off any stubborn water weight you’re carrying around and help you get into whatever dress/suit/jeans you’re so hell-bent on wearing.
2. The DIY juice cleanse is wayyy cheaper than doing one of the juice cleanses you order online.  (Like, 2/3 cheaper.)  Also, it’s nice because you actually know what you’re putting into your body for 3 days — always a good idea.
3. I’m fairly certain that it shrinks your stomach, so you’ll get full much faster and eat less after the cleanse.  (Maybe.  We’ll see about this.  Right now I want to eat an entire pizza.)  One of the main reasons I wanted to do the cleanse was because KC and I basically spent our entire honeymoon being uncomfortably full, after eating way too much way too often.  A result of this, I didn’t stop eating when I felt full after we got home.  My brain also still felt hungry long after my stomach was full, and I pretty much craved nothing but junk food all. the. time.  I hoped that the cleanse would hit the reset button on this, enabling me to get back to a life of eating heathfully and in moderation.  (I think this actually has worked, but currently I’d like to eat the chair I’m sitting on.)
4. Somehow I’ve been able to lead a normal life whilst on this cleanse, including working out (hard) without feeling like I was going to die.  I guess I must be getting at least some semblance of enough calories if this is the case.

CONS:

1. You have to have only juice, for 3 days.  In the beginning, I was like, “No problem!  I can do anything for 3 days!”  Right now I want to punch myself in the face for committing to this cleanse.
2. I attempted to drink more of the Beet Juice yesterday, and felt incredibly nauseous afterward as a result.  Today, just the smell of the juices is making me nauseous (and don’t start in on the “maybe you’re pregnant!” thing since I’m married now.  I’m not, and I’ll cut you).  I’m not sure how the next 12 hours is going to pan out.
3. Part of the weight loss I think comes as a result of not wanting to actually drink the juice by the end, so you’re basically just starving yourself.  Neither awesome nor healthy.
4. Having juiced everything ahead of time (not to mention committing to this stupid cleanse both in my head and on this blog) makes me feel like I have to finish this no matter what.  (Curses!  Shakes fists at the sky.)

So, would I recommend doing this (or any sort of) juice cleanse?  Right now, no.  But let’s revisit that when I’m not starving/dreading having to somehow down the next juice meal, shall we?

Currently: Hungry, irritable, and slimmer than ever (apparently).