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Normally, a juice cleanse is something I would never, ever do.  First of all, I hate being hungry.  Second, I love me anything gluten-based.  And third, I don’t really believe in “detoxing.”  So why, why in the world would I choose to go on a juice cleanse?  Well, I don’t know.  Ok, I do know.  Despite my general feelings toward cleanses, I’ve always been somewhat curious about them.  A morbid curiosity I suppose you’d call it.  And, well, we got a juicer as a wedding gift (which I quickly became obsessed with after we first experimented with juicing apples and carrots in it).  Also, after 2 weeks of non-stop eating following our wedding, I felt as though my system needed a little jolt to get back to reality.

I’d looked into some cleanses previously, and had found the Blue Print Cleanse which I thought looked fairly doable and not crazy like The Master Cleanse (I’m sorry, but you’re drinking nothing but water, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup for days?  The have a name for that, it’s called starvation).  A friend of mine sent me the link to a mock Blue Print-style Cleanse (here) you could do at home with a juicer, and I decided to try it out.

Today is day 1 of the cleanse, and here are my thoughts so far (just for the preparation.  I’ll talk about being on the actual cleanse later):

1. I did all the juicing for the 3 day cleanse last night.  I wasn’t sure whether I’d go a day at a time when I started juicing, but it makes more sense to get it all done at once.  All in all, it took about 2 hours to juice everything.  Had I really taken notice of the amount of effort it would take to juice everything, I would not have started juicing at 10pm like I did last night.
2. It’s messy, and the recipes on the website are not exact (the green apple juice and parsnip pear juices made wayyyy more than they said they would).
3. If I were doing this again (which I sort of doubt I will), I would cut out the parsnip juice and make more of the green juice I think, because I still have plenty of green veggies left unjuiced to probably cover 3 days (this would help cut down on cost).  I’d also do the juicing outside somewhere if I could.  It would be way easier to clean up, especially if you could just dump everything into a nearby compost pile (seriously).
4. The total cost was probably around $70-$80.  It seems expensive, but broken up over 3 days it’s not so bad, and it’s wayyy cheaper than ordering the juice online ($75/day — yes, per DAY).

Anyhoo, for those interested, here’s the breakdown of the cleanse.  It’s 3 days, and you drink 6 16oz juices each day in the order listed.  The juices are listed below with their recipes linked.  Unless specified otherwise, all information is from this site.

1. Green Apple Juice: surprisingly tasty, despite it’s smell.  The recipe (as I made it) produced way more juice than it claimed it would, so I would sub this juice for the parsnip juice in a later cleanse (ha ha, as though I’ll be cleansing again.  Let’s not hold our breath, people.)  Also note, the parsnip juice isn’t used in the traditional Blue Print Cleanse, the BPC uses a second helping of the green juice in its place so this would make the cleanse more authentic as well.
2. Pineapple Apple Mint: definitely drinkable, but a little sweet for my taste.  I should have considered the fact that I actually don’t like juice that much before starting this cleanse…
3. Spicy Lemonade: Basically this is what you drink on The Master Cleanse.  I don’t think it has much nutritional value, given the ingredients.  Also, I bought new cayenne before I made this and the lemonade basically burned my face off.  Awesome.  Don’t know that I’ll be drinking/finishing these all 3 days.
4. Carrot Apple Beet Ginger Lemon: You can definitely smell and taste the beets in this.  I may have also overdone it on the ginger in this one (I didn’t really measure it out, I kind of just cut off a chunk and juiced it.  Result: super gingery and spicy.  Not so fun after having cayenne pepper basically poured all over my face.)  Oh yeah, also it’s so red it makes you look like you’re drinking blood.  So if you’re a Twilight fan or something, great.  If not, shut your office door and hope that no one sees you (me).
5. Parsnip Pears and Celery: Haven’t tried this one yet; but again, it made way more juice than the recipe said it would.  As a result, I’ve got 2 large parsnips and about 6 pears just chillin’ at home.  This would be great except KC hates pears (I kind of doubt he even knows what a parsnip is), and I think I’m going to be in no mood to down 6 pears come Friday when I’m off this juicy fruit-fest.
6. Cashew Nut Milk: This is pretty much the only reason I actually agreed (with myself…  Just go with it, ok?) to go on this cleanse.  The cashew nut milk adds protein and fat, so you’re not just battering your body with nothing but fruits and veggies (which, don’t get me wrong, is healthy — but you need some balance).  Haven’t tried this yet, so I’ll have to let you know how it is later.

Fun facts:

• I didn’t do the ease in suggested online.  I doubt I’ll do the ease out.  We’ll see if I die as a result.  Also, I didn’t give up coffee, because, y’know, let’s not get too crazy.

• You’re apparently supposed to drink 16 oz of water with each juice, meaning you’d be drinking 32 oz of fluids every two hours.  Um, maybe it’s just me, but that doesn’t seem physically possible for my bladder right now.

• Did you know that if you drink straight beet juice it can paralyze your vocal chords?  Yeah, “what the F…” was my reaction too.

• KC has started referring to my cleanse as the “V8 Mega Splash.”  Makes it more fun-sounding, I think.

Currently: kind of hungry, and my tongue feels like I’ve been licking a lemon.  2.5 days to go.